One of my Facebook friends Dee Gregory posted a link to an article that she had written. The link is here. http://thehotgirlsmagazine.com/oct2010/gregory/gregory.htm
One of the reasons I found the article interesting is that it appears that there were several periods in her life that she went through a purging process, but Dee came back stronger than ever. I find myself in the same situation. After attempting to purge Tiffany from my life, I am realizing that Tiffany is back stronger than ever. I very much related to Dee's comment that " Even just a few weeks later, ‘Dee’ was running around in my head again." While I was telling everyone that Tiffany was gone forever, she was ever present in my mind, especially during wanking sessions.
When I say that Tiffany is back stronger than ever, I have to explain that I haven't so much as had a pair of panties on in over a year and I don't know when the next time will be. I just know that there WILL be a next time. Even when I am in boy drag, I know that Tiffany is with me whispering so seductively in my mind at how good that soft silk will feel against my skin. She reminds me at how good I felt when I looked in the mirror after my appointment with Jon in Austin. Its like a drug. When your not high, you are constantly thinking about when you are going to get your next fix.
I can only speak for myself, but the reason I purged is that I know for the most part Tiffany is not going to be accepted by most people. Its like having a scar on your face. People are never going to like it, but that scar is not going to go away. You may be able to cover it with makeup, but the scar will still be there. That scar is part of me.
The bottom line is this on purging. We must accept who we are and not be ashamed. Any attempt to cover it up or repress it will not work and may actually make it come back stronger. No matter how much we wish we were "normal," wishing won't make it so. As a recently deceased CD friend of mine once told me, if people don't like fuck em.