I think it would be easier if I were gay. I think I would have more hope as there appear to be a lot of gay men out there. As I posted previously, the supply of women who like and desire to have a sissy seems to be in very short supply. In addition, if I were to go back to cross dressing as I so desire to do, I would have to spend a ton of money on clothes and accessories and spend lots and lots of time in a futile effort to try to pass as a woman. The bottom line is that I’m just a overweight balding guy. To try to make me look like a beautiful women takes a lot of time effort and money. A gay man doesn’t have to do any of that stuff. He just has to go to a gay bar and he can hook up. One of the things that I would really really like to do is get my ears pierced. I can’t do that for fear of being made and losing my ability to earn a livelihood. I wish there were a way to make me desirous of conventional sex without the forced fem element. When I try conventional sex, I find myself with the feeling of just going through motions.
This leads me to thinking about transition in a whole new light. If I were ever able to transition completely, that would make me a gay women. As long as the other gay women couldn’t tell that I had begun life as a man, life would be a lot easier. Then this intervoice inside says “what makes you think a gay women would want you even if you fully transitioned. Straight women don’t want you now as a guy, why would gay women want you as a woman?
This leads me right back to where I am. I have to suffer in silence. I can’t transition because of the reasons stated above. I can’t cross dress in enough frequency to make it worth the money, time and effort plus even if I could I have no one to play with. I’m not really interested in conventional sex without the forced fem element. So this leaves me masturbating to forced fem fantasies.