It would be easier if I were gay

I think it would be easier if I were gay.  I think I would have more hope as there appear to be a lot of gay men out there.  As I posted previously, the supply of women who like and desire to have a sissy seems to be in very short supply.  In addition, if I were to go back to cross dressing as I so desire to do, I would have to spend a ton of money on clothes and accessories and spend lots and lots of time in a futile effort to try to pass as a woman.  The bottom line is that I’m just a overweight balding guy.  To try to make me look like a beautiful women takes a lot of time effort and money.  A gay man doesn’t have to do any of that stuff.  He just has to go to a gay bar and he can hook up.  One of the things that I would really really like to do is get my ears pierced.  I can’t do that for fear of being made and losing my ability to earn a livelihood.  I wish there were a way to make me desirous of conventional sex without the forced fem element.  When I try conventional sex, I find myself with the feeling of just going through motions.

This leads me to thinking about transition in a whole new light.  If I were ever able to transition completely, that would make me a gay women.  As long as the other gay women couldn’t tell that I had begun life as a man, life would be a lot easier.  Then this intervoice inside says “what makes you think a gay women would want you even if you fully transitioned.  Straight women don’t want you now as a guy, why would gay women want you as a woman?  

This leads me right back to where I am.  I have to suffer in silence.  I can’t transition because of the reasons stated above.  I can’t cross dress in enough frequency to make it worth the money, time and effort plus even if I could I have no one to play with.  I’m not really interested in conventional sex without the forced fem element.  So this leaves me masturbating to forced fem fantasies.